its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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