Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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