I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize