i jhust puked up my retainher.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize