We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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