Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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