She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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