she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
