I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
