okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
