Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
