You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
