I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
