he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
