I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
