ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
