thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
