i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
