dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He passed out mid-signature
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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