my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
