i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize