My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
