Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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