you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize