Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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