drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
