I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His nipple licking is glorious
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