I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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