glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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