i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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