A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
