oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
