i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
