im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
