I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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