I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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