Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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