One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
