I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
