kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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