So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
