i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
