How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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