Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
