i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize