I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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