Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
