i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
