is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
