One girl and one boy is just not enough.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
