I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
