whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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