Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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