I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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