I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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