i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize