i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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