Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
