Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
