Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize