he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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