dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize