i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
