New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
