he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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