Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
