so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
im holly from the hills drunk
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
