Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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