Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
