I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He better not be in your backpack
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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