gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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