remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm having to shit out rocks
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
