If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
