she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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