I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
