And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
