is your mom at the bar?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
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